The Grudge

Nursing The Grudge
Based on the fact God calls us to forgive for good reason. Nursing a grudge can ruin your life. Parts: 1x the Grudge Bearer 1x the Friend 1x the Grown up Grudge (ideally needs to be very tall but definitely needs to be taller than the other two) The only prop is a doll (or anything) that can be wrapped in blankets and made to look like a baby wrapped in cloths. No one gets to see what’s inside the cloths. Scene: Empty stage then the Grudge Bearer and the Friend enter the stage from opposite sides. Grudge Bearer is carrying a baby lovingly in their arms. Throughout the sketch the Grudge Bearer is very attentive to the Grudge for example cooing at them and tickling them under the chin. As they walk on they see each other, they smile and greet each other...
Grudge Bearer	Hello my friend how are you?
Friend	Very well, very well indeed, and what about you? I see you have a new addition (looks at the baby). Coo, hello little one. (Back to Grudge Bearer) What is it?
Grudge Bearer	It’s my grudge.
Friend	(To baby and talks in baby voice) I can see it’s a grudge your nursing. (Back to Friend) What I meant was - what is it, how’d it happen?
Grudge Bearer	Oh I see, it was an accident.
Friend	Really, an accident...yes well these things happen. Didn’t you err, take any umm, have any...er you know (nods and winks)...
Grudge Bearer	Any what? (shakes head not understanding)
Friend	You know, it was an accident. So didn’t you (winks again), couldn’t you – you know...
Grudge Bearer	(Dawns on him what the Friend is getting at) Oh I see. Sorry. Oh no, I couldn’t FORGIVE them.
Friend	But forgiveness can prevent unwanted grudges.
Grudge Bearer	I know but this time it really couldn’t be helped. I couldn’t possibly forgive them. It hurt me.
Friend	What about them. Didn’t they want forgiveness.
Grudge Bearer	They did but I don’t want to give it. (talk to baby in baby voice) Besides I like my little grudge. I loves it I do, yes I do, boo boo boo boo booooooo.
Friend	(to baby) Ahh look it’s smiling (goes to tickle baby under the chin) Ouch it bit me.
Grudge Bearer	(still in baby talk) Well you shouldn’t go talking about forgiveness in front of it like that.
Friend	Oh I see, I’m sorry.
Grudge Bearer	(Still in baby talk and talking to the baby) I’m not interested in sorry, no I’m not. Not at all. (blows raspberry at baby)
Friend	Oh I see, OK then. Well er...it was nice seeing you. I’ll be off then...bye (Walks off stage)
Grudge Bearer	(Looks up and realises friend has gone) Oh, where’d they go. Typical. People don’t care about me.
Grudge Bearer walks off stage in the other direction to the Friend. Grudge Bearer, whilst walking off, is tutting and mumbling about no one being interested or caring about them whilst at the same time Friend walks back on and simply turns to the audience to announce it is 12 months later after which the Grudge Bearer walks back on to the stage. They no longer have the baby but is now holding hands with the Grown Up Grudge. Throughout the second half of this sketch Grown Up Grudge is not interested in what is going on. He stands there with a frown on their face most of the time and has the occasional scowl. Grudge Bearer walks up to Friend.
Friend	Hello there, it’s been 12 months since we last met, how are you? (Friendly)
Grudge Bearer	OK I suppose.
Friend	(Turns to Grudge)... and who is this.
Grudge Bearer	This is my little grudge. You met last year – (annoyed) remember?
Friend	Oh yes... oh my... hasn’t it grown!
Grudge Bearer	(happier) Yes it has really blossomed.
Friend	This is the same one, the (whispers) accident?
Grudge Bearer	Yes.
Friend	(stands back in awe at the size) Wow!
Grudge Bearer	Ruined my life that accident.
Friend	How?
Grudge Bearer	My partner has left me. My friends hardly talk to me anymore. My performance at work has gone done and I’m on the verge of being sacked.
Friend	The accident caused all that?
Grudge Bearer	If it wasn’t for the accident I wouldn’t have to nurse my grudge everyday. They said (turns to the grudge) my little grudgy wudgy was getting in the way. They say it is always there, everywhere I go, everything I say. They say I should let go (Grown Up Grudge clings on to Grudge Bearer) but I can’t...look at him
Friend	But it’s not really the accident it’s the Grudge...
Grown Up Grudge starts to get agitated and begins to cry.
Friend	...(getting a bit worried so speaks to one side) I know we mentioned the F word last time we met. Have you given it any more thought.
Grudge Bearer	DON’T USE THAT SORT OF LANGUAGE NEAR HIM!  if it wasn’t for the accident, I wouldn’t have my grudgy (turns to Grudge and talks in baby language again and has to sooth him). Whose a lovely little grudge then, you are, yes you are (blows a raspberry on it’s face and Grudge gives a scary looking smile at Friend and then the audience before returning to a frown and generally looking surly).
Friend	He’s not little is he?
Grudge Bearer	Not you as well.
Friend	Pardon?
Grudge Bearer	You, you’re criticising. Aren’t you?
Friend	I’m not. I would suggest that forgiveness, there I’ve said it, could go a long way to sorting out your life.
Grudge Bearer	No it wouldn’t, and besides it’s gone too far now. I couldn’t possibly back down and, and, and... this grudge is my life.
Friend	But forgiveness could ...
Grudge Bearer	(Very angry) You’re just like all the rest. Never see my side. What about me. I’m so hurt and angry and this grudge never gives me time to think about anything else. You make mad. C’mon (storms off dragging Grown Up Grudge behind them).
Friend	(Shouting after Grudge Bearer)... but F is also the beginning of Freedom. (Pause) (Turns to the audience) F is also the beginning of Freedom.

The Manger Makers

It was busy in Bethlehem that night. The census had meant people from far and wide had come to stay in the town.  It also meant The Old Star Inn was packed which really annoyed Gary and Bob who preferred a little bit of peace with their pint, and was there a place to sit down after a hard day manger making – there was not.

“It’s busy tonight in Bethlehem” said Bob stating the obvious “What’s a bloke to do to get a seat in this place?”

“It's the census” replied Gary sounding fed up

“It’s senseless this census” said Bob with a grin

“It's incensed us” responded Gary as they clinked their beer glasses and nodded knowingly with a smile. It was the same joke they had told each other for the last two weeks.

Although the bar was noisy an awkward silence fell between them.

“Oh I'm bored” blurted Gary.

Bob, startled at the blurting, as his mind had drifted as had his eyes as he was smiling at a couple of ladies seated not far from him, and wasn’t taking much notice of Gary. Bob simply questioned the statement with “Whot?”.

“I'm Bored” repeated Gary “I've been making mangers for 20 years. 20 years! What am I going to do?”

Bob tried to look interested, for his friends sake but also keeps trying to smile at the ladies, which is becoming difficult to maintain. “Is it that long.’ He says “Tut! Time flies doesn't it.”

“Not really. I'm probably the best manger maker in the country, but what's the point? What is the point!” Gary repeats “All these years I've been in that workshop waiting for God to use me.”

“Use you for what?” Bob turns his attention to Gary. This could be interesting he thinks.

“I dunno! Anythink!” I would do anythink.” Gary looks off into the distance and sips his beer.

“Anythink?” Asks Bob and without waiting for an answer asks, “Yeh but, what if God had called you to do somethink really hard? Like, err, um, like… dig a really deep hole”

“I could do that, although I was expecting something with more meaning.” Gary frowns at the suggestion, “Why dig a hole?”

“I dunno, you said anythink.” Replied Bob, “OK what if he told you to follow a star for 20 years?”

“That’s a long time but I could do it.”

“So you would do something like follow a star, which is a bit odd to be honest, for a long time, if God called you to it?”

Gary thinks about that “Yeh I would. If only I knew what he wanted me to do. Cos, right, it’s like this, if I'd had had the call then VOOM... I would have been off. Instead I've been making mangers for 20 years.” Sounding morose he says “Food troughs for cows.”

“Not just cows,” says Bob trying to be more upbeat for his friend “We do them for bulls, and sheep, and donkeys”

“Yeh, I know” Gary becomes vacant, goes off into a sad dream of what could’ve been.

“And goats,” continues Bob warming to the theme “…and then you get the little baby lambs, and the kids.” Makes a funny face “aww I love them. Oh, what about the ones we’ve made for camels and horses, and then there was that one we made for a giraffe”

Gary realises his friend is still talking and looks up. “Hey, Bob those ladies over there. See em? They look nice.”

Bob pretends to have only just noticed them “ Oh those, Which do you fancy?”

“What do I fancy? I’ll have another pint thanks.”

“Whot! Oh for crying out loud, you get me every time.” Bob downs the rest of his drink and goes to the bar and gets the drinks in.

Gary is left on his own. He sighs, sighs again but bigger this time. Looks at his watch. Looks where Bob went. He sighs and stares into space. “20 years!” he says out loud “20 years of making mangers. I could have been anythink me!” Gary sighs again, blows through teeth and looks up and cries out to God “Why haven't you used me?

At that moment Bob returns and says “You never asked.”

“What?” says Gary

“You never… oh never mind” Biob gives up on the joke “Look, you'll never guess what I have just seen going on out the back in the barn.”

“What?” says Gary again.

“You think it’s busy in here, yeh well it’s really busy out the back there. There’s people and animals all over the place, and in the middle of it all a baby’s been born in a barn.”

“A baby’s been born in the barn?” asks Gary

“That’s whot I said, A baby’s been born in the barn.” Bob repeats “When I was there a whole load of shepherds turned up with more sheep. They were a bit odd if you ask me. Kept going on about an Angel of the Lord telling them to come and see the King. Ivan the Inn Keeper got a bit stressy with em but the mother of the baby is amazingly calm and is in control and just said let them come in. Ivan just did as he was told. Never seen that appen before. Oh, I’ll tell you what they did with baby

“Go on, what have they done with the baby?” Says Gary.

“They’ve only gone and laid him in one of your mangers.”

“Really, Oh that’s, er, thats, thats... TERRIBLE.” Exclaims Gary “A new born baby has been put in one of my dirty old mangers. The poor kid. Is that any way to bring a child into the world.”

“Well, he looked alright to be fair.” Explains Bob “They’ve wrapped him up in fresh swaddling cloths and stuff. Fresh hay in there as well. Ivan said the strange thing was all the animals wouldn’t eat from it. They just kept their distance and stared, without making a sound.”

“What are you talking about.” Gary is starting to get angry “Look they’ve brought a new life into the world and placed him in a manger. No one deserves a start like that. No one. A manger!” Gary shakes his head “I know I will make him a cradle tomorrow I could do it in work. A nice cradle.”

“That is - a great idea,” says Bob “Do you reckon the boss let you have the wood?”

“I didn’t think of that” says Gary “No, probably not... Oh I know, how about...no…or I could... No,” Gary is getting frustrated. “This is annoying. Do you know I never get to do anythink worthwhile or important. I just want to do somethink, anythink, all I want is to serve the King of Kings”

The men who made that manger bare

            That was a cradle for Gods son,

            Could not have known their rustic skill

            Would be renowned and glorious still

            When centuries had run.

            The manger framed by roughened hands,

            Where Christ was laid in shadowed gloom,

            A country carpenter had made,

            A product of his daily trade,

            And never guessed for whom.

            So we, who in our daily work

            Can fashion great or humble things,

            May trust, though how we can not say,

            That what we labour at each day

May serve the King of Kings.

A man more eloquent than me

Lord God, almighty God. Wonderful Counsellor, please guide us as we pray.
A more eloquent man than me once said…
He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.
Lord when we have been quiet in the face of evil please forgive us. Lord show us how to protest. When we see evil, when we see or hear wrong doing, help us to speak up and against it. Give us the words to say to stop injustice. Give us the wisdom to handle evil when confronted with it. Give us the courage to stand against all that is not of you.
- Lord we promise today to trust you and to protest against evil.
AMEN
This eloquent man also said
Unless you have found something in life to live for that is more important to you than your own life, you will always be a slave. For all another man needs to do is threaten to take your life to get you to do something.
And he also said…
If you haven’t found something worth dying for you aren’t fit to be living.
You Lord God are worth dying for. What is there to be afraid of if You are worth dying for. Jesus you call us to help the poor and care for the needy. Lord when we make you the centre of our life, when we set our goal to be like you, then your calling and your causes become more important than ourselves.
- Lord we declare now You are more important than our lives.
AMEN
Another quote from the eloquent man…
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
Lord Jesus you said we should love our neighbour as we love ourselves. Lord you said to love our enemies and to do good to those who hate us. As we stand up against injustice show us how to do so in love. Show us how to take peaceful action that demonstrates the love you have shown us, a forgiving love that only comes from the heart of the Father. If we are threatened or hurt in response to our protest show us how to respond peacefully and in love.
Lord we promise to act against injustice when we see or hear it and to do so peacefully and through love.
AMEN
A final quote from the eloquent man…
We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.
Lord lead us and guide us to a place where this desire is created in our hearts. I will say again:
We will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like water and righteousness like a mighty stream.
AMEN
For we stand in the name of the Lord Jesus, who is our God, our Lord, our saviour and our friend.
Amen 

Those who have ears let them hear...

Those who have ears let them hear.

A series of 4 short sketches.

All three sketches start in the same way with a small group of about 5 characters sat around in a semi circle all looking animated. All are super spiritual hippie types – Well meaning, going for it Christians but not quite all there if you know what I mean.

Sketch One

Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

All speakers from now on speak out with fire in their eyes.

Brian: I’ve got my Bic (Waves a shaver in the air).

Colin: (Somerset accent) I’ve got a cutthroat razor. It was my dads.

Hilary:         Me, I’ve gone out and bought a Gillette. It’s the best a man can get.

Andy: Excellent, excellent. We are ready (Punches the air in delight).

Murmuring of approval then Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob:   Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Everyone waves his or her items in the air.

Bob:   What the??? (Suddenly there is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said it is Gods will that all would be saved. Not SHAVED.

Sketch Two

 Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy: Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

All speakers from now on speak out with fire in their eyes.

Colin: I’ve got my lump hammer. When I see concrete I rebuke it and smash it to pieces (Shakes it threateningly).

Brian: My shears will trim grass wherever I see it (Sticks up high in the air).

Hilary:         I have grass seed to plant in the soil of life. Wherever there is need for new growth I will cast my seeds (Throws seeds into the audience) and it will fall on fine soil not stony ground. Whenever ….

Andy: (Steps in) excellent, excellent. We are ready (Punches the air in delight).

Murmuring of approval then Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob:   Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Everyone waves his or her items in the air.

Bob:   What the??? (Suddenly there is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said it is Gods will that all should be born again, not there should be LAWN AGAIN. 

Sketch Three

Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy: Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

Murmurs of yes and amen.

Andy:          OK lets practice before Bob gets here so we can show how ready we are.

All stand up and start shouting SORRY and start slapping their thigh’s panto style.

Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob:   Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Bob stands and stares at the scene. Gradually everyone stops apart from Colin who has really got carried away. Andy walks over and touches his shoulder. Colin stops and slowly sits down. There is short a silence.

Bob:   (There is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said we should repent and be baptised not repent and then slap thighs.

END 

Sketch 4

Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy: Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

Murmurs of yes and amen.

Andy:         OK lets practice before Bob gets here so we can show how ready we are.

All stand up and start by saying ‘Hello young man’ and then poke each other in the eye and pinching each other hard. Taking it in turns to do so.

Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob: Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Bob stands and stares at the scene. Then quickly rushes in to stop the violence shouting:

Bob:  Stop it! Stop it!

There is short a silence.

Bob:  (There is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said Jesus would make us fishers of men, NOT VICIOUS OLD MEN.

Fighting in my mind

After reading this poem please do not be sad. You can win the fight.

Fighting in my mind

Hanging on the edge

Fight away the tears

Fending off the anger

Hiding all the fears

Cannot feel the joy

No matter how I try

Not sure if I want to

Can’t ask myself why

The day is dark and gloom filled

Nothing makes it bright

No hope can enter into it

The day is only night

Waiting for the fear to end

Desperate to leave it behind

Don’t know how to be strong anymore

Fighting in my mind

The Kingdom of Heaven is... (Part 2)

The Kingdom of Heaven is…(Part 2)
Based on the parable of the rich merchant who gave all he had when he found something of great value. Parts: ·         Shop keeper (Always happy and always smiles) ·         Rich Man saved (Very keen) Scene opens with one man stood in his shop behind the counter. There is nothing on his counter or around him. The Rich Man lost walks in.
Rich Man saved	(Nods and looks around) Hello. Your, err shop, looks a bit sparse. What do you sell?
Shop Keeper	(makes a sweeping gesture to his counter and looks down at what he has revealed and smiles broadly)
Rich Man saved	(looks down at the counter and opens his eyes wide) Oh wow, look at that. It is amazing, wonderful, beautiful…it’s just… It’s what I’ve always been looking for (pause). What is it?
Shop Keeper	It’s the Kingdom of Heaven.
Rich Man saved	Oh Wow! I’ve got to have it. I’ll give you £100,000.
Shop Keeper	Well…
Rich Man saved	(Interrupts) It’s all I’ve got in my wallet at the moment. I could draw out more if you want.
Shop Keeper	Sir, It’s…
Rich Man saved	(Interrupts) OK, all my money. I’ve got £25,273,455 and 32p. Is that enough. There’s no price on it you see so it must be expensive.
Shop Keeper	Well it is of great value but there’s no price on it because ….
Rich Man saved	I’ve got a yacht.
Shop Keeper	A yacht?
Rich Man saved	Well more of a ship really. It’s the big one in the marina. You could have that as well as all my money. I’ve got have it.
Shop Keeper	(Goes to speak but can’t get a word in. Shop Keeper is constantly trying to interrupt throughout the next time Rich Man saved is speaking)
Rich Man saved	Great value you say? Well I don’t have a plane. I can afford one if I wanted one but I don’t like them. I do have 5 houses. They are dotted around the world. You can have them and all the possessions in them, including my original paintings by great artists. You can have my cars as well. I have a nice collection of them. Oooh I know you can also have my memberships on the boards of different companies. Lots of power and privileges.
Shop Keeper	Stop! Sir you need to understand…
Rich Man saved	(interrupts again) I do understand and that’s why I will give everything I own to have it. The wife will have a surprise but I’m sure when she sees the Kingdom of Heaven she will understand as well.
Shop Keeper	No Sir, look, you need to understand
Rich Man saved	I do, you can have the shirt off my back as well (rapidly takes his shirt off before Shop Keeper can stop him and puts it on the counter – Note if a female is taking this role it could be shoes she takes off).
Shop Keeper	(Trying to stop him taking his shirt off but failing) Sir, please stop (Everything calms down and stops). Thank you. I’ve been trying to tell you. The Kingdom of Heaven is of great value but is also free.
Rich Man saved	It’s free
Shop Keeper	Yes
Rich Man saved	Really?
Shop Keeper	Yes
Rich Man saved	But of great value
Shop Keeper	Yes
Rich Man saved	(Looks at the Kingdom of Heaven, looks at the shirt and touches it, looks at the shop keeper. Pauses and thinks and smiles) Keep it
Shop Keeper	Pardon
Rich Man saved	Keep it. Keep it all. The Kingdom of Heaven is of greater value than all I have. I willingly give all I own to have it and still it is not enough. The Kingdom of Heaven is all I want and all I need. (Picks up the Kingdom of Heaven - The Kingdom of Heaven is about the size of a pearl. When it is picked up, Rich Man saved holds it between his thumb and fore finger and looks hard at it. He smiles) Thank you. This is amazing, This is wonderful, This is beautiful (Pause) Wow! (walks off stage and, if possible, out of the building saying) Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

The Kingdom of Heaven is... (part 1)

I wrote this sketch some time ago. I considered turning it into a story but it works perfectly well as a sketch so I am leaving it that way. There are two parts to it. I'll publish the 2nd part soon.
Based on the fact it is hard for the rich to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Parts: ·         Shop keeper (Always happy and always smiles) ·         Rich Man lost (Unbelieving of everything) Scene opens with one man stood in his shop behind the counter. There is nothing on his counter or around him. The Rich Man lost walks in.
Shop Keeper	Good morning sir. Welcome to my shop. I’m very glad you found me. What can I do for you today?
Rich Man lost	(Nods and looks around) Hello. Your, err shop, looks a bit sparse. What do you sell?
Shop Keeper	(makes a sweeping gesture to his counter and looks down at what he has revealed and smiles broadly)
Rich Man lost	(looks down at the counter and opens his eyes wide) Oh wow, look at that. It is amazing, wonderful, beautiful…it’s just… I’ve never seen anything like it (pause). What is it?
Shop Keeper	It is the Kingdom of Heaven.
Rich Man lost	Oh wow. (Pause)How much is it?
Shop Keeper	It’s free
Rich Man lost	You see I have a bit of money and I could pay for it.
Shop Keeper	It’s free
Rich Man lost	Well I couldn’t pay much, once my accountant has taken his fee out of my earnings for all my businesses; I’ve got a few you know.
Shop Keeper	It’s free
Rich Man lost	Plus I have to pay the taxman an inordinate amount due to sitting in the high income bracket.
Shop Keeper	It’s free
Rich Man lost	It’s bound to be expensive, I can see that. I could take some cash out of one of my offshore accounts I suppose.
Shop Keeper	It’s free
Rich Man lost	I can’t afford … (pause) sorry you said it’s free?
Shop Keeper	Yes
Rich Man lost	Why, what’s wrong with it? (pause and looks again) It looks truly perfect. Look, I’ve learned that you never get anything for free.
Shop Keeper	Well this is.
Rich Man lost	It can’t be.
Shop Keeper	It is
Rich Man lost	It isn’t
Shop Keeper	(Forceful for the first time) It is.
Rich Man lost	Well if I had this there would be no point in me having everything I own. I’d have to give it all up. What I own pales into insignificance against the wonder of …what did you say it was again?
Shop Keeper	The Kingdom of Heaven
Rich Man lost	Yes, the Kingdom of Heaven. (Pause) How about I give you a regular amount?
Shop Keeper	It’s free
Rich Man lost	Or, or, or I could devote some of my time, or all of my time to working for the Kingdom of Heaven.
Shop Keeper	It’s free
Rich Man lost	(Pause) It’s free. (Pause) OK, can I think about it?
Shop Keeper	Of course you can.
Rich Man lost	Ok, I’ll come back later (Walks slowly and sadly off stage, looking back constantly)
Shop Keeper	How hard it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. (Pauses as another person enters the store) Good morning sir. Welcome to my shop. I’m very glad you found me. What can I do for you today?