Lost and Found

Lost and Found
A sketch with a twist that challenges our zeal for evangelism
Parts in order of appearance: ·         Husband ·         Beggar ·         Wife A husband opens the door quietly so as not to disturb his wife, who is off stage, and then turns and beckons his new friend, a beggar he has just befriended, into the house (onto the stage). They both step through the door. The husband is keen not to disturb his wife until he has the chance to explain who he has brought home.
Husband	(Quietly) Come in, Come in.
Beggar	(Not quiet but not loud either) Thank you so much for all you are doing for me.
Husband	Oh that’s quite alright. It’s what Christ calls us to do as Christians. (still quiet and looking around nervously)
Beggar	I know, you keep telling me, and I am grateful. Ever since you started talking to me in the subway…
Husband	Shhhh. I don’t want you to startle my wife.
Beggar	Sorry!
Husband	Don’t apologise, it will be OK. Now don’t worry, I do want you to meet her. Besides you’ll have to meet her otherwise she will wonder who it is in the shower when you are up there.
Wife	(Shouting from off stage) Husband, is that you. You’re late again. You’ve not brought another beggar home have you?  (Awkward silence then she walks on stage and stares at husband then looks at beggar and says politely to him) Good evening. (Turns back to husband and stares angrily hands on hips and tapping her feet)
Beggar	Good evening, nice to meet you.
Wife	(smiles again at beggar and turns attention back to husband and stares expectantly)
Husband	(Strides over to his wife, arms open and hugs her) Hello darling. I’m home.
Wife	Again! (Doesn’t respond to hug)
Husband	I always come home?
Wife	Yes, you do don’t you! This is the third beggar you’ve brought home this week.
Husband	I know, but you know God calls all Christians to give. (Turns to Beggar) Please take a seat in our lounge. Make yourself at home.
Beggar	Thank you. (Walks to edge of stage and takes a seat and reads a paper)
Wife	(Takes husband to one side and from now on the conversation is meant to be out of ear shot of the beggar) I have no food left.
Husband	None at all?
Wife	How am I meant to feed him and us? I only have a meal for two left in the freezer. I was going shopping tomorrow.
Husband	We can split it 3 ways can’t we?
Wife	Tut! I suppose… (Sniffs). What’s that smell?
Husband	I can’t smell anything.
Wife	It’s him isn’t it?
Husband	Oh that smell. It’s what I brought him back for.
Wife	For a shower?
Husband	Yes
Wife	OK, but keep an eye on him as we lost our toothbrushes last time and I had to go to my pilates class with breath that could peel wallpaper.
Husband	How can I keep an eye on him in the shower? It’s a bit rude me stood in there with him...
Wife	Well I can’t can I?
Husband	No, I suppose you can’t.
Wife	(Pause then suddenly pointing) Why is he wearing my slippers?
Husband	He has small feet.
Wife	What?
Husband	And he had nothing to keep his feet warm. He was homeless.
Wife	I know God calls us to give, but those are my best slippers. At least you’ve given him your scarf, although I did give you it for your birthday. It took me ages to find one like that.
Husband	In the early Church they shared everything according to those who had need.
Wife	Yes but they were in the same Church. They were sharing things with each other in the same Church.
Husband	He is in our Church.
Wife	No he isn’t. Our church isn’t that big and besides I would have smelled him.
Husband	He is a new member.
Wife	How new?
Husband	About 2 hours ago.
Wife	(Startled) 2 hours ago?
Husband	When he became a Christian.
Wife	Hold on a minute. You said about the early Church sharing things. How much have you shared exactly?
Husband	Your slippers as he had no shoes. (Pause) And my hat. (Pause) My belt as his trousers were about to fall down. (Longer pause)
Wife	And?
Husband	My sandwich as he had no food. (Pause) And my drink. Actually I am a bit thirsty. I would love a cup of tea.
Wife	Don’t change the subject. What else have you given him…
Husband	He has no money so I gave him some of ours.
Wife	OK how much, £5 or £10?
Husband	A tad more than that. He has nothing. Only the clothes he is wearing.
Wife	Ok, ok but how much. It’s the end of the month and I don’t have much for the shopping tomorrow as it is. Hold on, oh no, you’ve not given him all our shopping money have you?
Husband	(Awkward shuffle) Oh no I didn’t do that.
Wife	That’s a relief, we have to eat as well you know.
Husband	I gave him our savings.
Wife	(Explodes) OUR WHAT?
Beggar	(At the shout he looks over)
Husband	Sorry! Didn’t mean to disturb you.
Beggar	That’s alright. I’m not causing any problems am I?
Husband	No not at all. No problems (Beggar returns to what he was doing and husband turns back to wife trying to calm her)
Wife	(In an angry staccato tone) You… gave… him… our… savings…. All of it?
Husband	In the Bible the rich young ruler had to give up all he had to follow Jesus. I didn’t want to go away sad like he did.
Wife	Yes but all of it? Why on earth would you … oh no …hold on … he’s homeless. Tell me you’ve not given him our home.
Husband	(Pause) Not exactly. We do have a spare room though.
Wife	He’s moving in?
Husband	Yes
Wife	(Angrily) When?
Husband	After his shower.
Wife	He can’t. My mother is coming to staying this week!
Husband	Sorry, I forgot.
Wife	She’ll be here tomorrow. Where can she sleep?
Husband	Good question. (Thinks and then has an idea) I know, after his shower he can take a drive…
Wife	(Interrupts) He can take a drive? HE CAN TAKE A DRIVE? How can he take a drive he hasn’t got a car!
Husband	(Smiles awkwardly) He needs a car so he can find a job. I gave him your car so he can …
Wife	(Interrupts again) My car? You gave him my car? Why not your car? He only joined the Church 2 hours ago and you’re … etc
	(The argument goes on in the background – a bit of ad libing is called for here. The Beggar stands up and walks to the front to address the audience)
Beggar	I may be a bit new to all this, having just become a Christian, but even I can see there are a lot of questions to be answered here. Questions like – How much should a Christian give? Who should they give to? When should you share with Church members? Should you give to Beggars? (Nods towards Husband and Wife) Should they get marriage guidance? These are questions I can’t answer. All I know is 2 hours ago I was lost, but now, thanks to this mans actions, I am found. How much are you prepared to give to win souls for Jesus?