Thursday, 6 March 2014

Once there was a chicken

Here is the story of a chicken...

Once upon a time there was a chicken. An ordinary chicken. It was so ordinary it wasn’t even brown it was beige. It did ordinary things like all the other ordinary chickens. It ate ordinary seed. It laid ordinary eggs. It made ordinary chickeny noises. Cluck! It was an ordinary chicken.

Then one day the chicken did an unusual thing. It wasn’t an extraordinary thing to do but it was an unusual thing. Unusual for a chicken anyway. What did it do I hear you ask. It decided to cross the road. No one is entirely certain why it should do this. Some say it did it just to get to the other side. Others say it was deeper than that. It had to do with a deep yearning to experience life as it’s meant to be experienced and to take hold of its life by the er, the erm, the claw, because chickens don’t have hands and you can’t grab hold of anything using wings. Sorry I digress. To take hold of life by the claw and fly off into the sunset. The whole idea falls down there really as chickens can’t fly very far. Anyway, this ordinary chicken crossed the road and no one can be certain why. What we do know is it shouldn’t have bothered because on the way over it was mugged by a flock of ducks. They just flew in and stole all of the ordinary seed it was carrying and gave the chicken lots of rather nasty pecks. It is a terrible situation when an ordinary chicken can’t even cross a road without ducks beaking you up. It’s crazy, some would say it was quackers.  

As the ordinary chicken lay there, battered and bruised, unable to move and wondering why it had even bothered to try and cross the road. It saw a cow with lots of milk walking towards it. The chicken thought “It’s my clucky day. A cow has come to save me, although it does look a little cold”. In fact the cow was a little chilly. We know this because it was a fresian (freezing). It could have put a jersey on but jersey cows aren’t very good at balancing.

The cow saw the chicken. It stopped and cocked her eye at the chicken and the chicken lay there and cocked her eye at the cow and there they were cock eyed. The cow got a bit nervous. It ruminated over the situation. What if the mugging ducks were still around. What if they were waiting for another poor innocent to walk in. “Oh no” thought the cow “I’m Moooooving over. I’m not going near the chicken. I have far to much milk on me and won’t be able to fight them off”  And so the cow walked on the udder side of the road and left the poor ordinary chicken to suffer and possibly die. That cow was not kind. That cow was not helpful. That cow was not a good neighbour.

Next came along a sheep. It was a religious sheep. Possibly a Baptist although we have no evidence of this. The only reason we believe it to be a Baptist was because it insisted on being dipped. Anyway, it was a religious sheep and the chicken saw it. It looked over at the sheep and feeling unwell it rolled it’s eyes. The sheep bent down and picked up the eyes and rolled them back, but he wouldn’t go near the chicken. The sheep considered the ramifications of its actions. The chicken was baaaaring it’s way – Oh come on ewe knew another baaaad joke was coming!. The sheep didn’t want to get fleeced by the mugging ducks. Like the cow before it wasn’t going to get the wool pulled over its eyes and he thought “This is all a bit suspicious. The ducks could still be around waiting to get me. Besides I’m busy on sheep business and I’ll be late for my next dipping”. And so the sheep walked on the other side and left the poor ordinary chicken to suffer and possibly die on the side of the road. That sheep was not kind. That sheep was not helpful. That sheep was not a good neighbour.

Finally, and it was starting to get dark now, a wolf came into view. “Oh no” thought the chicken “A wolf” Then a moment of hope. The chicken thought “maybe it’s the sheep come back to help me and it is a sheep dressed in wolf’s clothing”

“Hello” said the wolf.

“Bother” said the chicken “you’re a wolf”

“Can I help you” said the wolf.

The chicken whimpered, which is odd because wolves normally make that noise. Anyway it turns out the wolf, so often the big bad guy in these stories, was a goodie. He picked him up. He licked the wounds clean, even though he was hungry himself. Howl he did that was amazing. He even took him back to his pack who cared for him and helped the ordinary chicken get back on his ordinary claws again. And so, thanks to the wolf, the chicken feels like a chicken tonight!

We come to the end of this little tale, or in the chickens case the end of the tail feathers, and all that is left to say is this:

Don’t be a cow and have lots, but give nothing.

Don’t be a sheep and be so busy being religious you have no time to be helpful.

Do be like the wolf who was kind. Be like the wolf who was helpful. Be like the wolf who was a good neighbour, and go and be like the wolf nowoooooooo.

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