In a parallel universe there was no such thing as money.
Instead to purchase good and services they used apples. Yes apples. Strange I know,
but this is what they used. In this particular world, inflation during the
summer and autumn months was rife. It could cost as much as an entire orchard
just to purchase a wholemeal nutty brown loaf. They also had problems in the
winter months where it had been known for millionaires to become bankrupt
overnight because of mildew. Still the people of this world didn’t know any
better and they persevered.
Now the King of Somerset, a particularly prosperous part of
the world mainly due to its’ cider apples, decided it was time to settle some
of his accounts. His name was King Bramley and he was extremely rich,
especially this year due to a bumper crop. Being rich there were people who
owed him money. One day he decided to call in his debts.
“SMITH, GRANNY SMITH. Please enter the council chamber”
cried the usher.
A wizened old lady in a shawl enters.
She bows low before the King. “Your Appletiseness” grovels Granny Smith
Now Granny” says King Bramley “You
owe me ten thousand Cox’s Orange pippins. How do you propose to pay me back?
Granny was
distraught. “Oh sir, your ciderness. Please forgive me. I’ve no apples to pay
you with and I need more time to pay you back.
The King says bluntly “Ok, Ok, that’s
fine.”
“It is?” says Granny confused.
“Yes.
It’s OK.” The King replies “You’ll just have to go to prison until your next
harvest. NEXT! Call in the next debtor”
Granny falls at
his feet begging. “Oh please sir, I have a large family to keep, a dog, a cat.
A budgie, a goldfish, two of those……a guinea pig, a lop eared rabbit with a
lisp costs me a fortune in speech therapy bills, or is that the kids, no I
haven’t got any goats….”
The King looks
at the old woman and is moved by her pleading “Granny. Please stop it. Don’t
get in a strudel. Today’s your lucky day. I’m going to let you off.
Granny stops the pleading and looks up “What all of it?”
“Yes” replies
the King
“Really?”
“Yes” he says
again
There’s a short pause and then she asks “You’re not taking the pip
are you?”
A little affronted King Bramley
replies “Do you want to be forgiven or not?”
“Yes, yes. I do” Is her immediate
response “Oh thank you so much. I thank you from my very core”
“Well off you go.” Says the King “Toodle
PIP.”
King goes to sit down on his
thrown, but as Granny leaves and walks out of the castle, he is feeling so
pleased with his good deed he decides to look out the window and watch granny
walk through the orchards to the town. The idea of hoping to see her skipping
with delight at being blessed in this way a peeled to him. Instead what he sees
shocks him.
He does indeed observe Granny skipping,
for she was truly overjoyed at being forgiven, but on her way out she bumped
into an old acquaintance.
“Oh, hello, I know you, don’t I?”
Asks Granny
It was the lovely Golden
Delicious. “Hello Granny” she says “How’s the very core of you today?
“Fine and fruity me old scrumpy.”
Granny replies “I remember, you’re the lovely Golden Delicious.”
Golden smiles
“Oh Granny, you are sweet”
“Thank you”
Suddenly Granny’s face changes. “Ah Yes, I especially remember you owe me some
apples.”
“Oh Granny, I will pay you back.”
Says Golden Delicious desperately “Honest I will. It’s just my harvest was poor
and the apples I did get were only small, and on top of that my, my, my
favourite pet pig, Archibald has a nasty case of gout….”
Angrily Granny
shouts “I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT. Where’s my 20 Cox’s Pippins?”
“I’m so very sorry. I don’t have
it Granny” Golden Delicious starts to cry into her handkerchief, blowing her
nose loudly.
“Right then me old apple blossom,
it’s off to the cider press for you.” Granny grabs Golden by the hair and is
about to drag Golden off when the King, who has left his window view and has
been watching from the side, steps in
“STOP RIGHT
THERE” He storms “I saw that Granny. I think what you did was a pretty poor
show. I think you’re a rotten apple if you ask me, with black spots on as well.
I cancelled your debts because you pleaded for mercy and yet I catch you
scrumping from this young lady. You will
be sent to the Cider Press until every
last drop of juice, every single little tiny dollop of sauce has been squeezed
back.”
The guards arrive and Granny is
arrested. While they hold her the King turns to Golden Delicious and becomes
quite fatherly and asks her “Please tell me Golden. Do you understand the moral
of this tale?”
Golden Delicious thinks hard “An apple a day, keeps the doctor away?” she
smiles.
The King confused by the reply
says “…er no that’s not it at all. The moral of the tale is...
Forgiveness - Forgive people
their debts, just as you have been forgiven your debts.”
Golden Delicious smiles, the King
smiles, the guards smile. Granny is carried off to the cider press, she isn’t
smiling. If she still had her teeth she would be gnashing them.
