Those who have ears let them hear...

Those who have ears let them hear.

A series of 4 short sketches.

All three sketches start in the same way with a small group of about 5 characters sat around in a semi circle all looking animated. All are super spiritual hippie types – Well meaning, going for it Christians but not quite all there if you know what I mean.

Sketch One

Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

All speakers from now on speak out with fire in their eyes.

Brian: I’ve got my Bic (Waves a shaver in the air).

Colin: (Somerset accent) I’ve got a cutthroat razor. It was my dads.

Hilary:         Me, I’ve gone out and bought a Gillette. It’s the best a man can get.

Andy: Excellent, excellent. We are ready (Punches the air in delight).

Murmuring of approval then Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob:   Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Everyone waves his or her items in the air.

Bob:   What the??? (Suddenly there is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said it is Gods will that all would be saved. Not SHAVED.

Sketch Two

 Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy: Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

All speakers from now on speak out with fire in their eyes.

Colin: I’ve got my lump hammer. When I see concrete I rebuke it and smash it to pieces (Shakes it threateningly).

Brian: My shears will trim grass wherever I see it (Sticks up high in the air).

Hilary:         I have grass seed to plant in the soil of life. Wherever there is need for new growth I will cast my seeds (Throws seeds into the audience) and it will fall on fine soil not stony ground. Whenever ….

Andy: (Steps in) excellent, excellent. We are ready (Punches the air in delight).

Murmuring of approval then Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob:   Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Everyone waves his or her items in the air.

Bob:   What the??? (Suddenly there is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said it is Gods will that all should be born again, not there should be LAWN AGAIN. 

Sketch Three

Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy: Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

Murmurs of yes and amen.

Andy:          OK lets practice before Bob gets here so we can show how ready we are.

All stand up and start shouting SORRY and start slapping their thigh’s panto style.

Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob:   Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Bob stands and stares at the scene. Gradually everyone stops apart from Colin who has really got carried away. Andy walks over and touches his shoulder. Colin stops and slowly sits down. There is short a silence.

Bob:   (There is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said we should repent and be baptised not repent and then slap thighs.

END 

Sketch 4

Andy: Are we all here?

Nods all round, then……

Brian: Bobs not here yet. We shouldn’t really start without Bob.

Andy: Oh yes, quite right, well spotted bro. But he’ll be here in a minute. Before he arrives have we got everything for our mission to the lost of this town.

Murmurs of yes and amen.

Andy:         OK lets practice before Bob gets here so we can show how ready we are.

All stand up and start by saying ‘Hello young man’ and then poke each other in the eye and pinching each other hard. Taking it in turns to do so.

Bob comes in carrying a big Bible and a grin.

Bob: Hello everyone. Praise be, praise be.

Bob stands and stares at the scene. Then quickly rushes in to stop the violence shouting:

Bob:  Stop it! Stop it!

There is short a silence.

Bob:  (There is a dawn of realisation) When I preached on Sunday I said Jesus would make us fishers of men, NOT VICIOUS OLD MEN.